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Lafayette Journal and Courier Mind your manners at the office party December 14, 2005 The Christmas office party can be an incubator for career-damaging gossip: who drank too much; who dressed inappropriately; who made a pass at the the boss's wife. But such gatherings are becoming more popular, and experts are issuing a two-part warning: Employees should attend, but proceed with caution. In a recent survey, 73 percent of managers of Fortune 1,000 companies said their office was hosting a Christmas party. Four years ago, 64 percent of the executives polled by OfficeTeam said such parties had fallen out of favor. "I've been to a few company parties and picnics," says Libby Miller, of Crawfordsville. "There was never any booze, so no one got too crazy." "I think these gatherings do have value if they develop so-called esprit de corps," says Reeshad Dalal, an assistant professor of industrial/organizational psychology at Purdue University. He studies the things that employees do at work, aside from their regular job responsibilities. At an office party, he says, "You meet people you wouldn't ordinarily meet .. research shows it is important to be visible to your boss and to your boss's boss, so in that sense it is good to get out there, unless you say something stupid that probably would harm you more than if you had stayed at home." The party's semi-professional, semi-social nature scares some employees, who opt to stay away. "Most people think it's a party, and either they don't want to go or they'll go and just eat and drink with their friends. Both are mistakes," executive coach Marjorie Brody recently told the Associated Press. An office party, she says, can be "a good opportunity to create an impression." Experts recommend dressing conservatively, creating a list of people to meet and doing the research needed to know something about their interests and personal lives. "You're looking for something in common to show you're interested in building relationships and going a step above," Brody says. That also shows that the employee is well-rounded, with interests outside the office "When making small talk, be sincerely interested in the questions you are asking others," advises Ann Marie Sabath, author of Business Etiquette in Brief, in her series of At Ease tip sheets for professionals. "Most people can spot a phony a mile away." People who refuse to attend forfeit opportunities to network and stand out as winners. "Coax yourself into going by saying, 'I'll go briefly and I'll make an appearance,'" Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged, told the AP. "Usually, when you trick yourself into something like that, you do end up having a good time and staying." Experts say it's best to avoid alcohol. At most, alcohol consumption should be limited to two drinks, with soft drinks, food and water in between. People who feel shunned throughout the year often exclude themselves from parties at Christmastime. Professor Kipling "Kip" Williams is a Purdue University social psychologist who studies the subject of ostracism, or social exclusion. He says self-ostracism can be a form of self-defense: the person is pre-empting the possibility that he'll be ignored and rejected once again. "They will selectively not attend so as not risk further rejection," he says. But by not attending, they can put themselves even further "out of the loop," he says. The holidays are associated with feelings of love, sharing and belonging, so being shunned then can be especially painful. Williams' research shows that those given the "cold shoulder" by strangers for only a few minutes often feel depressed, diminished, and have lowered self-esteem. Those given the "silent treatment" for weeks, months, years or decades, can develop a negative attitude, an emotional shell. But by trying to lessen the pain, he says, they make continued exclusion "more inevitable." FYI |