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The Sydney Morning Herald Blood is thicker than mortar At a time when adults are delaying marriage, and house prices and rents are sky high, many siblings in their 20s and 30s are moving in together rather than sharing with friends or strangers. Perks of these arrangements range from eating the leftovers in the fridge without a second thought to receiving help from parents when putting up shelves. Siblings say they like the security of knowing that their brother or sister won't cheat them on bills, and many find that living together gives them a sense of having a home, not just a bedroom in an apartment. Alisa Wilson, 32, is experienced as a sibling sharer. She recently lived with her brother Marcus, 25, for a year, in Melbourne. She also shared a house with her sister, Rachel, five years earlier. She says the benefits of sharing with a sibling are "the comfort factor - you can say what you want and do what you want a lot more than if you were living with a stranger". "Even with friends, you have to be a little more conscious of their space and how they like things to be done." For Sydney woman Ivy, 28, who doesn't want to be identified, the bathroom was the last straw. Specifically, the bit where her flatmates' boyfriends had been. "The toilet, if I have to share with a female that's fine, but with a male, when they don't put the toilet seat down … you know what I'm talking about." This week she becomes a sibling sharer when she moves into a rented apartment with her younger sister. "It's easier to move in with family than friends to avoid conflicts. I'm afraid that there will be conflicts as well - but when you live with your friends, you're afraid you'll hurt their feelings - but a sister is family, so you can say and do everything you want." Every night in New York before she goes to sleep, Jamie Kohen tells her room-mate what time to wake her up. She also borrows the room-mate's clothes without asking and uses her shampoo. Kohen, 24, can get away with behaviour that might otherwise overstep boundaries because her room-mate is her 25-year-old sister, Yael. In many respects, the Kohen sisters function as a couple. They have a joint credit card for apartment expenses and do each other's laundry. When one of them works late, the other has dinner waiting. Ten months ago, the two gave up their separate places to move into a two-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, not so much to save on rent, but for companionship. For Tom Dobson, 32, the days of sharing with his siblings in Melbourne ended when he got married. "Living together was good. My sister was a food technology student at RMIT so she did all the cooking. We never fought. " … I moved out of home at 18 - six years later we lived together and it was very comfortable. She only left when I got married." In Sydney, real estate agents such as Angus Levitt, in Potts Point, say they are seeing more sibling sharers on their books. The trend is mirrored in the US. The latest US census shows the number of households shared by siblings increased by nearly 33,000 to 733,000 over the decade from 1990. But monetary considerations may weigh heavier than emotional support. For some siblings, buying a flat together can be first and foremost a canny financial move - and one where the parents can have the dual bonus of a sound investment and finally turfing their adult brood out of the nest. Bill Singh, of Palm Real Estate in Penrith, says it is quite common for him to sell to siblings. "We've seen quite a few brothers and sisters buy things together. Partly, one of them can't afford to buy that property on their own." Singh says it is also a way for parents to funnel an early inheritance to all their children and maintain a sound investment for the family. "If there's enough equity in their own property, parents are taking out loans to help their children purchase." But the children have to be the official buyers to get the benefits, he says. "That way the family can both avoid stamp duty and get the first home owners grant." While siblings have sometimes lived together in old age from necessity, some researchers say young adult siblings who become room-mates could be laying the foundation for a lifelong support system. Siblings are often close as children, become distant during adolescence, and then are increasingly reliant on each other as adults, through parenthood, career changes, divorce, and old age, says Victor Cicirelli, a professor of psychology at Purdue University in the United States. Sharing with a sibling instead of a stranger from domain.com.au can also provide a rare source of stability when jobs and relationships are in flux. Unfamiliar room-mates can be distracting, says Valerie Maholmes, who works for the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development in Bethesda, Maryland, in the US. "You have to deal with differences in upbringing, values, how to manage a home, finances, and other things." Siblings, however, are more likely to share common ground, she says. But not all siblings can cohabit peacefully as adults. Michael Jadach, 28, who lives with his brother Steve, 30, in Philadelphia, says he would never consider sharing a home with his other brother, John, because they often don't see eye to eye. Self-selection assures that sibling room-mates are probably on solid footing to begin with, says Michael Kahn, author of The Sibling Bond. When they don't get along, siblings tend to resolve conflicts swiftly and bluntly. "I threw a bottle of Fantastik at her," New Yorker Kristin Meyer says of an occasion when her sister Alessandra angered her by using Windex to clean the kitchen table. Seeing someone new can be particularly uncomfortable for those who share with a sibling of the opposite sex. "I was dating someone recently, and it would be very strange to be laying on the couch watching a movie and my brother walks in," says Wendy Kyritz, 27, who shares an apartment in New Jersey with her 24-year-old brother, Steve. Melburnian Wilson avoided any awkwardness by having a low-key love life. "I don't remember it being an issue. When I lived with Rachel I was single and there wasn't a hell of a lot going on." Replaying childhood roles can be hard to avoid. "We do fall into those patterns of older sister-younger sister," says New Yorker Heather Ayers, 31. As Ayers considers herself tidier than her sister Becca, 28, she occasionally sticks notes reminding her of house rules such as "prongs go up" on the cutlery drainer or "shower curtain stays closed". Jemma Purdey, 31, who has shared with a sibling three years younger than her in Melbourne, says it can be easier to live with a sibling closer in age than one who is five or more years apart. Siblings who live together also say their parents are more eager to help them find a place or contribute to their rent than when they have room-mates who are not part of the family. The drawback is not being able to turn them away when they visit. "You can't really say, 'Dad, I think you can only stay with me for three nights because it's asking a lot of my room-mate'," says Peter Ryder, who lives in New York with his sister, Leslie, a freelance production assistant. The Wilsons' parents frequently visit Alisa and Marcus from Shepparton. "If you lived with friends you wouldn't be as comfortable having them there, sleeping on the lounge room floor," says Alisa. It is possible for living with a sibling to become too comfortable, particularly if siblings don't socialise as much as a result. Alisa moved out of sibling sharing when she met her future husband. She says: "I really enjoyed it but there's a window of opportunity - you can't always live with your brother and sister. I couldn't live with them now. It works when life is relaxed, when you are at uni or just entering the workforce."
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