Asheville Citizen-Times

No family for the holidays? Party with your friends, the family you choose

by By Douglas J. Rowe,

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
November 13, 2006

Unable to spend the holidays with family members this year? Many people are away from "home" in today's mobile society.

College and jobs take us away from our hometowns, often long distances away.

So, what do you do? Create a sense of connectedness to others in your life, advises Paul Siegel, an assistant professor of clinical psychology at the State University of New York/ Purchase.

"Our closest friends are our chosen family," Siegel observes.

More and more people seem to be on their own these days. Census figures show that one-fourth of the nation's households - 27.2 million of them - now consist of one person, compared to just 10 percent in 1950. For that matter, the average American has only two close friends in whom to confide - down from three in 1985, according to an authoritative sociological study released in June. Nearly a quarter have no confidant at all.

Now's the time to make a plan so you don't spend Thanksgiving alone. That can mean inviting others to your house.

"Holiday rituals are really a kind of play, and everyone is always rewriting the script," says Purdue University cultural anthropologist Andrew Buckser. "Each of us is our own character, and we each have something we want to say."

Re-thinking expectations - and letting go of the goal of a picture-perfect holiday - can relieve the pressure on those who find themselves without family, says another expert, Kansas State University professor Charlotte Shoup Olsen, who specializes in family issues.

"If there ever was a time to look beyond the box, this is it," she says.

The key, she says, is keeping plans simple.

One option is potluck, says Lehigh University professor Nicola Tannenbaum, who studies the cultural significance of food and eating. She suggests serving "comfort foods, but what these are depends on the people involved, their ethnic backgrounds and their experiences."

Potluck lets everybody bring what's right for them.

Or you could invite people over to make soup, or anything that requires several pairs of hands.

"Actually, working together to prepare food is a way to draw in new people who may not have much in common beyond the fact that they have nowhere else to go," Tannenbaum say